This transfer hasn't been an easy one, but I think it's been my favorite one. Hna Clawson and I were talking about it the other day...we both feel like we're working harder than we have our whole missions. We feel like we are the best missionaries we've been our whole missions, yet never have we seen so little fruit of what we're doing! That makes no sense, right? We've kept asking ourselves, "If we're trying so hard, why don't we see the results?"
In 2 Nephi 4:31, Nephi is clearly begging for a change in his own life. He says:
"31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?"
I think, how often is this us? How often are we seeking a change in ourselves and in our lives or the lives of others? I think that a lot of times we don't want to sin or displease God. We're generally good people. I don't think our nature is to do evil, but we are weak. There is a clear need to be changed from our natural, carnal state. There is a clear need to GO BACK to being the strong spirits we were when we chse to come to this life. That requires an at-one-ment (becoming one with God), which is only made possible through the Atonement. How interesting is that? The word "atonement" breaks up to be at-one-ment...
Changing and becoming one with the Lord can only happen through a sanctification that comes through the Spirit. It requires, as Alma teaches "a broken heart and a contrite spirit" (Alma ). This is what I realized this week. Too often I want change and I want at-one-ment (to be one with Christ), but I want it on my conditions! I want to be better and give more to the Lord, but with submitting to HIS conditions. I want to be a disciple of Christ and do HIS work, but I want to see the results now. It can't work that way.
Nephi says it: "32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me,because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite!O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousnessbefore me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley,that I may be strict in the plain road!"
A broken heart and a contrite spirit means submitting ourselves of the will of God. It means trusting that the Master knows better than the servant. It's only then that REAL change and REAL progress can happen.
33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thyrighteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mineescape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my pathstraight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling blockin my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way beforeme, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in theeforever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man ormaketh flesh his arm.
Christ offers us freedom and protection from our enemies. My enemies are my temptations, my sins, my weaknesses, my fears, and my failures. To access this freedom, we need to acheive at-one-ment. We need give the Lord our will and stop relying "in the arm of flesh." I am so guilty of this. There are so many times that I think I know the way to change and happiness, but He has already provided. We don't need to keep searching in darkness for a way out. It's in Him! All we have to do if follow Him.
I think you all are the #1´s! Thanks for writing me, even though I never write you back. I promise I read you letters and they brighten my weeks! You all have letters coming in the mail :) I LOVE YOU and just know that this is the best chioce I've ever made. I'd stay forever if being a mom wasn't part of the Plan. MUCHOS BESOS.